Last year, I hit a low. It all started with a “we regret to inform you” email that crushed me. You know those opportunities you apply for and in your heart, you convince yourself you got it… I didn’t get any of them.
So I didn’t take it very well. I spent my days in bed. Getting up was such a struggle. When I did get up, I would end up breaking down wherever I was. In church, at the market… I cried a lot! I was a mess.
It seemed like everyone’s life was going smoothly, and I was stuck. Everyone looked happy, going on trips, having great jobs. Boo’d up lol. I felt like I had nothing going for me.
It was such a dark time. I was jobless, broke, and felt there was nothing to look forward to in my life. The future seemed so bleak. I lost all hope.
It felt like no one even saw how low I was sinking. Then 2 of my closest friends noticed that something was off with me. The rest didn’t pick it up. I won’t lie, it hurt. Maybe I hid it well, or they just didn’t notice. I don’t know.
It got so bad that I started to contemplate suicide. It wouldn’t be the first time I would attempt suicide (story for another day). It was such a terrible time. I managed to open up to one friend and I think I am still alive because of them.
They reminded me of what I’ve accomplished and told me that there is so much to look forward to. They stayed up with me on the phone till I fell asleep just so I wouldn’t spend time alone. Every. Single. Day.
Lucky enough, my mum also picked it up. She understood me & encouraged me to start a diet (something I had wanted for a while) because I lost weight. So I started a fattening diet. It was the only thing that kept me going. I have gained 10+ kgs since, a journey I’ll blog about soon.
Slowly, I dug myself out of that pit. When I did tell some friends what I had gone through, they were shocked, asked me why I didn’t tell them what I was going through etc.
When I did experience a slump again, I opened up to one of my friends and honestly, I regretted it. Few minutes into me telling them what I was going through, THEY FELL ASLEEP!
Do y’all know how hurt I was. My problems are boring enough to make someone fall asleep. Lol I learnt my lesson from there. I open up to the people that truly care.
Fast forward to now, I’m still jobless, but I started my own business. I got over my heartbreak but I haven’t resumed applying for opportunities yet. But I am in a better place and I’m glad that storm is over.
The story is long, and I’ve really cut it short, but in summary: if you are feeling depressed, please seek professional help. Talk to someone THAT CARES and always remember that the storm will end and you will feel the sun shine again.
You are strong and you will get through this. There are so many places you still have to go, awesome people you have to meet, and goals you have to accomplish.
I have been there and I want to tell you that it will be over. Hold on. If you’re a Christian like me, keep praying. God is not deaf. He hears and you may not feel it, but He’s right there with you.
Lastly, it is not easy for someone to open up, especially about depression. Please check on your friends and be SINCERE. If they do come to you, sometimes, just your listening ear and a prayer is enough. Trust me. It goes a long way.
You are precious.
You are loved.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.